There’s nothing like holding onto a rhinestone leash attached to the leather collar of a 6 foot man towering over you that will make you realize, “Oh, I’ve a lot of anger in me.”
Because after the initial hesitation on my end as I gingerly held onto the leash and whispered, “Is this ok? Am I holding this right? Am I hurting you?” and got a shy smile from him in return “Yes Mistress, what would you like me to do next?”; it took all my willpower to fight off the following intrusive thought.
I really just want to yank the leash down so you’re on your knees and I can be the one towering over you and sternly growl through gritted teeth. “Sit.”
Oh dear. That doesn’t sound very Rin now, does it?
But I’ve gone ahead and buried the lede so let’s go back to the beginning. This is the story of attending my very first kink bar social.
For September’s Sexual Health Month, I was invited to one of the most established communities, the Kinky Minky’s Kink Bar Social, by my good friends at The Hedonist.
While I love any excuse to whip out the leather harnesses and dress up, I did have a moment of hesitation where I wondered, “Am I too vanilla for this? How crazy will this get?” But like any self-respecting former clubbing Millennial who can forgo a night on the couch binge watching Netflix, I thought, “Fuckit, let’s do it for the blog!”
So what exactly is a kink bar social? Some who subscribe to the kink community as a lifestyle may refer to these events as a ‘munch’ but there’s been a shift in the times to call it by a less intimidating and direct description. As the name suggests, it’s a social mixer for those in the kink community or may be drawn to exploring their kinks to get together and mingle. Does actual sex or “play” happen during these events? While it depends on the organizer, the general consensus is that it’s more of a networking meet-up where you get to make new friends and hang out with your buddies so strict rules are set on how intimate and explicit the activities can be. The rules also cover privacy and discretion (no pictures are allowed, nicknames are often used and conversations are encouraged to stay clear of identifying information like what does one do for work). Moderators are tasked to explain the rules to those new to the mixer and keep all in check during the event if it gets too risqué. Consent is king and they do not hesitate to remove anyone that’s deemed unsafe to those in attendance.
As a sidenote, kink and fetish may get lumped together often but they actually mean two different things. Kink is the overarching term that’s used to describe anything sexually unconventional which may include BDSM, shibari, role-play, impact play, sensation play, power dynamics, etc. Fetish on the other hand, is when a particular kink, body part, object or scenario is necessary for one to achieve arousal and the big O. So for example, do I enjoy looking at my partner and I in the mirror while doing the deed? Yes, so it’s my kink. Do I absolutely need to have wall-to-ceiling mirrors in the bedroom or else I won’t be able to get turned on and have an orgasm? Nope, so then it’s not my fetish.
So back to that evening last month, I found myself in my room blasting my pre-clubbing anthem ‘Who’s That Girl’ by Eve as I examined my sartorial choices for the mixer. Now, what could I pull off that’s sexy and kink-coded but without potentially getting arrested on the MRT for public indecency? (Why am I taking public transport you might ask? Have you seen the Grab prices lately from Jurong? That itself should be considered as borderline masochism.)
I finally decided to make the Hedonist’s Gold Metal Heart Pasties and Belle Elastic Body Harness the star of the outfit by pairing them with a plain mesh long sleeved bodysuit, leather midi skirt and a faux leather oversized jacket. All black of course save for the hint of gold on my boobs. Now what about shoes? Latex boots would have been perfect but a little too much for me that night as I still wanted to be comfortable so I brought out the patent Mary Jane flats instead. Very Wednesday Adams. But something’s still missing? It’s cool and chic but not exactly screaming edgy despite my bedazzled boobs on display. Ah yes, I reached out for my Giddy Up Riding Crop and squeezed it into my clutch. Voila! Just like that my mood shifted from pure nerves to an undercurrent of slinky sexy energy. Cue Portishead’s Glory Box on the playlist instead.
However there’s nothing like sitting on the train with fluorescent overhead lighting to kill any dominitrix fantasy as you’re enroute to the location for that one hour. But once I stepped off the MRT in the very central and accessible location, the feeling that I was hiding a very sexy taboo secret came back. As I took my strides to the bar and passed by other revellers out on a night on the town, I felt like I was wearing a scarlet A on my jacket. I wondered if they could tell I was going to a clandestine meet-up and if any of them were indeed going to the same place.
50,52,54,56… where is this place? Did I already walk past it?
I stopped and looked down at my phone to check out the address again.Then I heard my name called out in a chirpy voice right in front of me, “Rin!”
“No way, X?” I laughed and gave him a hug. X was a friend whom I’d met a year ago who briefly mentioned he’d dabbled in kinks but we mostly bonded over our broken hearts and hobbies. He’s such a sweet and personable guy that you could never imagine him in any shade other than sunshine. He was dressed sharply in a nice collared shirt and pants but he was giving more business casual than BDSM formal.
“Fancy seeing you here! Are you going for the social too?”
I broke into a huge smile, “Yes I am, oh my god I’m so happy to have a friend! I’m so nervous!”
“Nothing to be worried about! It’s a very chill crowd and people are really nice and friendly. Come on, let’s go in…”
We walked up the stairs and came across the pretty boring door really to the bar. I took a deep breath and braced myself. Is it going to be dim red lights with endless corridors of sexy masked torsos and very Eyes Wide Shut? Or should I expect chains, whips and cages hanging down from the ceilings with German techno blasting away?
“After you,” X motioned. I pushed the door opened gently.
Ohhh….
In the spirit of BDSM, I’m going to leave you here dear Reader to edge for a while till next week where we’ll continue the story and find out how I found out I’m actually not so submissive like I thought I was all along.
P.S.Wanna get into the mood and channel your own inner Dominitrix and stock up your dungeon? Enjoy 15% off at the Hedonist with the code: SHY&CURIOUS