This article originally appeared on The Hedonist Tribe blog, SEXTING 101 – 5 TIPS ON HOW TO SEND NUDES & SEXY TEXTS. Special thanks to the ladies at The Hedonist Tribe for inspiring the topic!
I’m a proud card-carrying member of the Sex(t)y Selfie Club. For all the potential infused in the tiny supercomputer that we hold in our hands every single day, I find it amusing that the de facto thought for most of the population was “Cool.. an inbuilt camera! Let’s take dick pics and send nudes…”
With the ubiquity of ring lights, mobile tripods and camera filters, it’s almost ridiculous how easy it is to become your very own model / photographer / art director / lighting crew / retoucher. However just like the adage – it’s not the tool you have but how you use it, if you’re still taking a close-up of sweaty boobs under fluorescent lights, owning the latest gigapixel mobile camera known to mankind doesn’t guarantee a Top 10 listing in their spank bank.
That’s why we’re taking a look at five factors involved in how to take a sexy selfie so you can easily rival a Playboy centerfold from the comfort of your bedroom.
1. Safe Sex(t)
We’re big believers that sexy is a mindset and a sext can be art. Not only is someone out there waiting in anticipation to have a glimpse of the secret you, it’s a fun way to celebrate your very own body and sensuality.
Unfortunately worrying that your nudes might end up leaked to the rest of the world is a legitimate fear. Anxiety is a major killjoy that also translates in front of the camera when it comes to feeling sexy and confident. While there’s no guarantee that your sexts will never see the light of day beyond your partner’s phone, there are ways to mitigate these risks. Here are some main tips:
• Always assume your photos are public: Although it may not be the fault of either partner, just always assume that whatever you put out will be seen by someone else. It happens to the best of us, especially if you’re a celeb, so don’t let it get you too paranoid! This actually helps you decide and control how much you want to share.
• Consent, consent, consent: Don’t ever feel obliged to send a sext if you’re not comfortable with it, whether it’s a Tinder match or your long-term partner. Always give and receive consent before engaging in sexting. Something subtle like “I can’t wait for our date later… want a sneak peek?” can be the spark to set the motion going. Then tease accordingly but also ensure you’re mindful of your timing. They might not appreciate that cleavage shot sent over iMessage if they have their screen projecting during a work meeting!
• Stay mysterious: This is totally up to you but it’s best to exclude your face or identifying elements like tattoos and birthmarks in your photographs. While channeling your best pinup pout, don’t forget about your background in the frame. Keep it simple and remove photographs, artwork or markers that may unsuspectingly doxx you.
• Delete the ‘Where’: It may sound overkill but if you want to play it really safe, remove the EXIF data from your photos. What exactly is EXIF data? It stands for Exchangeable Image File – a standard format that stores information in digital photography image files like shutter speed and exposure. What’s more relevant for us is that it also stores the location, time and date of the files so it does provide someone else a clue if there’s malicious intent to doxx you. You can find the EXIF data of your photos when you view them on a computer or through third party apps on iPhones and Android. It’s also always helpful to review the privacy settings on your phones to see if your photos or other apps have access to your location.
• Safeguarding the Spank Bank: Most common messaging apps like WhatsApp, iMessage and Telegram use end-to-end encrypted messaging which means that only the sender and recipient of the messages are able to read the messages. That’s useful to know when choosing which service to send your sexy videos with. Telegram even has a Self-Destruct Timer function and alerts you when a screenshot is taken (Note: Not 100% fool-proof as someone can always take an actual photo of the screen itself on another phone…).
2. Flaunt Your Body
A common refrain we hear from those wanting to pop their sexting cherry is “But I don’t like how my body looks.. I feel so fat/skinny/saggy/gangly/ insert neverending list of negative adjectives here”
We totally get it! We’re all human after all and we each have our own unique hang-ups and insecurities that can turn into a never-ending quest of if only. That’s the irony though – since we’re so hyperfocused on our personal ‘flaws’, we don’t realize that it’s highly unlikely they’ve entered our partner’s radar as they’re probably magnifying their own insecurities!
For every worry that our lil paunch get in the way of the shot, our partner is probably loving how delicious your boobs look. If you’re concerned that you’re all angles and look nothing like a Kardashian, they’re imagining those long limbs wrapped around them. Feeling not so perky? Babe, they’re dreaming of trailing kisses down that neck and collarbone before going in for the kill.
In other words, just show up and come as you are. We’re sure your partner is doing precisely the same thing with your sexy selfies 😉
No matter how confident you are with your body, one could always use a little boost in the form of easy poses to flaunt what your mama gave you. Check out boudoir photographer Jennifer Smith’s quick posing tutorials on Instagram to learn how to accentuate your best parts while hiding the rest. What we love about her videos is that she shows an array of women across all ages and body sizes which proves that everyone can be their very own Victoria’s Secret angel…
One other fun factor when it comes to taking sexy pictures (and definitely my personal favourite) is ironically – playing dress-up!
Wait, what? Dress up? Don’t you mean strip bare?
Well you could show up in your birthday suit if you prefer, but just like a buffet, the fun lies in the variety of choices to taste and pick your yummiest. A sexy pic doesn’t automatically equate to a nude.
Especially if this is your first foray into the world of digital seduction, we recommend the art of the tease with beautiful lingerie, sexy stockings and luscious robes. After all, one of the complaints we usually hear from the ladies when it comes to lingerie shopping is “What’s the point? They’re all going to hit the floor in 30 secs anyway…” Not only are you getting bang (wink) for your buck by posing in these gorgeous threads, it heightens your partner’s imagination in other senses as well when they catch that glimpse of silk and lace.
Even the humble kimono bedroom robe can be risqué when styled with absolutely nothing underneath it. Now imagine how hot it’ll look when one side of the robe ‘accidentally’ falls off your shoulder. Opps….
3. All in The Angles
Sexy mindset? Check.
Coy poses that flaunt your assets? Check.
Hot lingerie? Check.
Ready to shoot? Nuh-uh, we’re just midway through! Before you start snapping away enough shots to rival an Only Fans account, you will definitely want to pay attention to this one: the actual sexy picture composition.
Yes ladies, we’re brushing off the dust from our art theory classes and putting it to good use! There’s a few key elements when it comes to framing a picture and before you start griping about how much work this all sounds like, trust us… it’ll make a world of difference from your average basic nude and your va-va-voom-this-will-remain-forever-in-their-mental-spank-bank shot.
We’re sure you’ve seen the Rule of Thirds before.
“The basic principle behind the rule of thirds is to imagine breaking an image down into thirds (both horizontally and vertically) so that you have 9 parts.…The theory is that if you place points of interest in the intersections or along the lines that your photo becomes more balanced and will enable a viewer of the image to interact with it more naturally.” – Digital Photography School
How do you apply this when it comes to a sexy pic? Well, you don’t always have to stay in the center of the frame for one thing. Get creative by only having a glimpse of your bare shoulders that lead down to the small of your naked back. Use portrait mode and have your licking lips be the main star while your cleavage is blurred out bokeh-style.
We’re also big fans of being a tease versus the obvious. There’s always a time and place for the shots that say “Hey, LOOK AT MY ASS that I’d squatted 100s of hours for!!!” However just imagine the anticipation you get before Christmas when you’re looking at the presents beneath the tree and trying to guess what’s inside based on the shape. There you go… that’s what we meant by being a tease! For example, you can choose to take a full-on close-up of your justifiable derrière, or you can take a side view with your silk sheets draped across it with just a bit of skin to show how juicy it is. They’re definitely going to be craving for peaches after receiving that message…
In line with the earlier point of knowing how to exaggerate your best bits, you can also use your background to help you out on this. You don’t need to rent out a whole photo studio, just look around at what’s home and how you can spice it up. The aim of the game is to get your partner riled up and reimagine an everyday setting into one for adult playtime. Take a simple doorway for example. Stand by your sides, arch your back and pop that booty while you stretch your arms on the door frames – kinda like how a cat would stretch out on a scratching post. (Check out the TikTok Doja Cat challenge for reference). There you go – instant Kardashian booty…
Need to whip out a quickie? The mirror’s your best friend!
Angle your camera slightly above and behind you while pointing straight in the mirror. You can then pose by staring right back at your gorgeous self in the mirror as the final shot will have both your back and front profiles. Depending on your comfort level, you can tease even more by biting your lips as you check yourself out. Now who wouldn’t want a piece of that gorgeousness?
4. Lighting, Lighting, Lighting
There’s a saying that the secret to the fountain of youth is good moisturizer and candlelight. While we’re still searching for our holy grail night cream, we’re definitely well-acquainted with the benefits of great lighting! Think less white, bright, fluorescent lights – and more warm, dim, soft glow to make your sexy selfies stand out. Play with shadows and silhouettes as well to subtly seduce. For example, drape yourself across the couch in the dark with only your best assets bathed in the spotlights. We’re sure you know what we mean…
If you’re more adventurous, check out colored LED lights and ring lights that you can program to your phone. Perhaps you like your shots to look more artsy or literally taken in the ‘red light district’. But we prefer to keep it simple so when it gets too overwhelming with the gadgets, just go back to basics and use lots of beautiful candles. Bonus points for incorporating warm wax in the pictures by dripping it onto your skin as a form of sensory play. Just make sure you’re careful around the flames! We want the only hot stuff in the sheets to be you and you only…
5. Props Are A Girl’s Best Friend
You haven’t graduated from the School of Sex(t)s if you don’t use props in your pictures! We don’t just mean popping a banana in your mouth (unless of course it’s a sexy Holla banana). Use your imagination with whatever you can get your hands on around the house: ropes, pearl necklaces, pillows – anything with texture and sheen. Better yet, invest in some bondage accessories that can rival Mr Grey’s collection.
You don’t even have to actually use them in the bedroom for BDSM – for example tease your partner by draping the ends of the flogger to across your nipples for that money shot. Put your phone on a tripod and timer while you bind your hands with satin restraints and look like a helpless damsel-in-distress.
We do recommend giving these accessories an actual try as part of playtime once you’ve wrangled your partner in. It’s always fun to explore something new together!
Bonus Tip: If you’ve read through this guide and still feel kinda uneasy about popping the sexy selfie cherry, why not use your words and voice instead to stir their loins? You can always narrate what you’re going to do with them (or let them do to you) through dirty texts or just take a cue from the blog and use your huskiest voice to read aloud your favourite erotica.
If we’ve said it once, it’s definitely worth repeating again. Being sexy and seducing all starts in the mind. Each time you catch yourself wondering what sort of shot to take, just ask yourself what senses you can engage that’s not just about what they see? The more your partner can imagine through their sense of touch, taste, smell and sound (cue the spank paddles!), the more explosive the reaction will be.
Pun fully intended. Have fun ladies and safe sex(t)ing!
All of Shy & Curious’s picks are independently selected by yours truly. All product details, prices and availability are accurate as at the time of publication.