There’s this infamous conversation between me and my high school girlfriends that they never fail to bring up every so often when we catch up. It was just one of those lazy days after school where we were hanging out at the cafeteria, sipping ice cold lemon teas and gossiping. I forgot how it started but the topic of losing one’s virginity came up.
We were all 18 and no one had a boyfriend yet so we ended up sharing when we thought we’ll pop our cherry. When it came to my turn, I made a very proud claim: “Well I’ll wait for the one I love. So I guess after marriage?”
The statement made such an impression on everyone that day as they were all in such disbelief that I could hold out on horny teenage hormones just for Mr Right. I shrugged and said “Nah, it’s ok. I’ll know when it’s love.”
Years later and over wine instead, they still continue to rub it in as I took a little detour off the abstinence path and ended up with sordid love affairs. To be fair, it did take a few more years after high school and moving to New York for me to act on my fascination with love and sex.
I’m still a romantic at heart but looking for love in the big city when you’re a bright-eyed and bushy tailed virgin was like a siren call for train wrecks. I fashioned myself as a Samantha after my first heartbreak – when in reality I was a mix of the hopeful Charlotte and exasperating Carrie sitting at her laptop going “And I couldn’t help but wonder…” as each new guy entered my life.
I may have been raised in Singapore but I always maintain that I really grew up in New York during those years of crazy stories and the possibility of magic. Until it was time to move back and well, life happens.
That brings us back here today, in this little corner of the Internet that I’m carving out as a safe space for all to continue the curious conversations and wide-eyed wonder about love, sex and everything in between.
Whether you’re reading this as an 18-year-old figuring out what’s to come, the 36-year-old who needs some ‘me’ time, or the 61-year-old who’s unsure what’s next after playing wife-mother-daughter for so long, welcome!
I’m so glad to have you here and hope that all the lessons and stories gleaned will be helpful, if not at the very least make you go “Ohhh…” (in a good way!)
The articles and stories on Shy & Curious will start off from a heterosexual viewpoint but as the journey continues, we hope to get more inclusive and diverse voices with contributions from the community. A few ground rules on the site:
1. This is a judgment-free zone so no shaming, guilt-tripping or fear-mongering allowed.
2. We’re not certified experts but will do our due diligence on the topic and fact-check our articles to the best of our abilities.
3. Unless otherwise stated, viewpoints are personal and contributors can choose to be anonymous when sharing their stories.
We’ve laid out topics that we thought would be interesting for now but we’ll tweak and edit as the community grows and get your feedback. Shy & Curious is your shared space so we naturally want to make sure that the articles and conversations resonate with you.
• Curious About: This is where you’ll get the 101 guides on sex, health and mind
• The Sealed Pages: Remember those women’s magazines that would have a section with steamy content so they would seal them? Here’s our version that focuses on the NSFW technical aspects and anatomy
• State of The Union: Let’s talk about navigating love, relationships and boundaries
• P.O.V: Whenever you just need a guy’s point of view or learn more about their stories and experience too
• XOXO Me: Everything and anything about self-care for our mind and bodies
• Discreet Spending: A shopping guide for sex and body positive products and services
• Under the Covers: We put the spotlight on the people and brands that’s paving the way for better sexual and mental wellness
• S&C Seeks: Live vicariously with personal stories from our community so that you know you’re not alone
• Love, Rin: My personal musings that may border on TMI but never without good intentions 😉
So there you go – a breakdown of the Shy & Curious platform and the hopes for the community we’ll grow.
Sometimes I get asked; “Why sex? Why the obsession to talk about it?” The immediate response is, “Why not?”
But if we dig a little deeper and go beyond the functional and societal values assigned to it, I strongly believe that sex is literally us at our most vulnerable – connecting with another being and more importantly with ourselves. It may come across as a little woo-woo but we interact not just our bodies but exchange our energies and mental states with it.
There’s no yardstick when it comes to sexual wellness and intimacy so all the more we should talk about it and hopefully to the point where we can drop the Shy and just go with Curious.